I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. Unfortunately, my depression has become worse through the years. About 4 weeks ago I had the equivalent of a "mental breakdown", even though I was active in counseling and on medication. If you have never had a "mental breakdown", I pray you never do. I feel it is one of the worst experiences to have. You feel hopeless, you feel worthless, you feel there is no future and you don't know why. During my breakdown, I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't function. I wanted to but I just could not do anything. Before this I was a full time student. I had to take the semester off in order to start treatment to get healthy. I started a program this week and I will go three times a week for individual and group therapy.
I have also come to realize that food is my "drug". If I am upset, I don't think I want to do "crack" I think, give me the sweets. My counseling will help me to understand why food is my drug.
Right now, I don't understand why I am going through this. It hurts when people don't seem to understand. I mean, if I (God forbid) had cancer or (God forbid) was in an awful traffic accident people would be more understanding. People don't understand depression, they don't understand how it makes you feel and how it affects you. People don't "choose" to be depressed, it is an illness, just like any other.
